It has been a while since I last posted, I have kept busy and Lyme has been something I have tried to push to the back of my mind. I spent 2014 doing many things. I started school to get my certification in Personal Training and Fitness Nutrition. I am still finishing those up. I spent a lot of time in the gym. Traveled. Two cruises and an unbelievable trip with my father and brother to the California Redwoods. Have you ever seen the redwoods??? Holy SHMOLY! They're huge. The northern Pacific coast is a sight to behold too. I just like beaches. The scenery and sky scape is never the same. Forever changing.
Just like life.
October my shoulders started popping, I had an arthrogram MRI done on my left shoulder. It was waking me at night. I was in a lot of pain. I had just started instructing a PIYO class too. My workout game was strong. Verdict was that I had severe tendon fraying and inflammation. I stood in the kitchen and just looked at my husband and cried. We knew this was going to happen. My ligaments and tendons are going to wear down. Two years ago I had a nerve conduction test done, and the beginning of neuropathy was starting in my arms. But why now? I'm not ready. I figured I had at least a good 10 years. I have been doing everything right. Working out, eating right, taking care of myself.
I'm fixing to start collecting the tickets now for all those aboard the pity train express.
No pictures or quotes for this blog entry. Just rawness.
My workout game started dwindling. Holidays took it out of me. Always do. Week after New Years I was in bed. That is where I have spent the majority of my year since. I have not been able to work out. I have managed to save my energy for a few tasks a day. Either light housework or cooking. Soccer game. Dinner date or visiting with friends or family. Church, Even when I bathe has to be planned due to the fact that it leaves me drained. Driving has become limited. Simple skills don't just happen right now. None of it has been easy. There hasn't been one day go by that I haven't cried because of pain and frustration. I feel lonely. It is a lonely that I do not expect anyone to understand. It isn't a lonely that can be filled with company or encouraging words.
Eating has become almost non-existent. I manage to have one meal a day. The rest of my diet has included yogurt, juicing, kombucha, keifer, and LOTS of hot tea.
The headaches and jaw pain, locked knees if I sit too long, back pain that is so bad that it makes breathing miserable, foot pain that is like walking on sharp rocks, cold blood, loss of simple motor skills at times. convulsions, and my favorite.......neuropathy. Blue toes. Numbness. It goes on and on.
I'd like to think that I still have some cognitive skills. That may even be arguable though. Just don't tell me. Oh hell, tell me. I'll forget anyway. Makes it hard for me to hold a grudge when I can't remember what it was about.
Admitting that I have relapsed hard was a very difficult thing for me to admit to myself. I'm very stubborn. Type A.
So, now what? As of now, I am detoxing like a boss. Only the good has been going in my body. When I have had anything like a gluten, I pay for it dearly. I am eating very clean for that reason. If I'm not eating, I'm at least trying to get the proper probiotics and nutrition into my body. I'm resting the majority of the day. I am taking detox baths about 3-4 times a week. Dry brushing. Just taking it day by day. The doctor is going to be making a comeback though. I am in my 5th week now of trying to do this on my own. I have been in denial.
I'm afraid. I know where I was before during treatment. I will opt for IV treatment this time around. I'm terrified actually. I am not sure I have the courage to face this. My poor family. I am so sorry. From the deepest part of my heart.
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