I'm Such A Freak

When one is being treated for Lyme, they are on several different antibiotics.  What you may be on this month may not be what you are on the next and so on.  Antibiotics attack differently.  No two are alike.
Lyme Disease is caused by a bacteria called borrelia burgdorferi. It disguises itself in 3 forms. A spirochete is in a corkscrew shape.  It digs and screws itself into the organs, muscles, bones, tissue.  I guess you can say I've been screwed by Lyme.
In cyst form it is dormant.  It does not move.  It remains still and can survive antibiotics.  It will convert back to a spirochete when conditions are favorable.
In cell-wall-deficient (CWD) it will actually take Vitamin D from the body and convert it into an immunosuppressive (suppressing the immune) and will clump together forming colonies making it a very very tough battle for the antibiotics.
All 3 must be treated differently.  One can die, but the other is strong.  It is forever changing its form.  Hiding and weaving in and out of the body.
Different antibiotics are meant for different phases.

When I started treatment I anticipated getting "sick to get better." What I didn't expect was to lose control.  During a round of treatment you have a large bacterial die-off called a herxheimer reaction or herx for short.  Now I always felt like poo, but I had no clue what was about to meet me.  With there being so little knowledge and not personally knowing anyone who had been through what I was about to go through, there was no way for me to really prepare.  Sure I read, but when your body starts doing these uncontrollable things shortly into a round of meds you start to feel alien.

Ever had a deep tissue massage and they tell you to make sure you drink plenty of water afterwards?  They do that because the massage breaks up and releases toxins in the body and it's important for you to flush them out.  If you don't you can end up pretty ill and sore the next day wishing for another massage.  The same when you sit in a sauna.  You sweat out all the nasty and if you do not rinse it, again, you may grow to feel ill.

Well, a herx is like the same thing, but on a much larger unimaginable level. Just hours into me taking my first dose I was already weak.  I slept so hard for hours almost a few days.  My husband was constantly checking on me just to make sure I was breathing.  Pain was intensified and food......one minute it was down, the next it was up. Shaking.  Not like chills.  Like an earthquake. I started having Parkinson's-like shakes. My leg would kick uncontrollably so hard it was left sore.  I cried so hard and immediately fell into a depression.  The party was over.  My mom would call me everyday wanting to know if I felt better.  If by chance I was having a better day it was , "Good, maybe it's working and you'll be better in no time."
I grew so very frustrated with hearing this from her.  I knew I had a long road ahead of me and I wasn't going to GET better.  My friends tried to understand.  My brother and my dad, well, it was like I was the big  elephant in the room.  You know, pretend it's not there and it will go away. I was guilty of doing the same thing though with my kids.  I hid them from it.  I hid.

As if I didn't feel alone before I started treating my Lyme.......

I was a freak.  I didn't want ANYONE seeing me or being around me.  I stayed in my room.  The herx eventually calmed down.  They come in cycles.  Usually a 4-6 week times.  As the bacteria crosses the blood-brain barrier  the symptoms are more and more prevalent.  The shaking and loss of words and just feeling stupid is in full force.

I stayed on my first antibiotic for 6 weeks.  I grew used to some of the side affect, learning to accept them just like I had the pain I had for all the years prior to.

My next round of antibiotics I didn't have much change.  As a matter of fact, I remember being able to function a little better.  The main pain I experienced during this time was back pain.  Deep tissue pain. Then came Thanksgiving.